The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
