I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
