brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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