Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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