watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
