half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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