You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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