just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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