i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
