So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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