Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
