The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
