Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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