Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
