Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
