I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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