U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
