I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
