Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
