sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Pooping to opera.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
