we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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