honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is that strawberry winking at me??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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