I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
