why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
