The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
