do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
