If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
