I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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