Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
