You smell like a Billy Joel song
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
