so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
