She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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