I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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