Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
