1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
