We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
