ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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