tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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