you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
