I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
