I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
