oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
