She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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