So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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