I just gift wrapped bread.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
