you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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