I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
