But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
