Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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