Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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