I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
