That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
please come you make the beer taste better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
