I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
