Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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