yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
